One Christmas morning I went to a friend.
Now, meeting her’s always a pleasure,
But then she offered me Baileys –
And she pours with a generous measure…

She poured me a large one – then a second –
And then an enormous third!
But I felt just fine, till I toddled home
To do battle with – The Bird.

I wrapped up the turkey in tinfoil –
But found that it just wouldn’t fit!
It was slightly too big for my oven,
So I clumsily hacked off a bit.

Then into the oven the turkey went,
Though later, a thought occurred –
I’d forgotten to put the foil back on!
So I had to re-wrap the bird.

It took me a while (my befuddled mind!)
Then “Something smells funny” I thought.
In fact, there was no roast turkey smell –
I’d not turned on the oven at all!

Well, I took the turkey out – again! –
To wait for the oven to heat.
(Like some turkey hokey-cokey –
That’s no way to treat your meat.)

Now, what else had I forgotten?
Oh, yes – the chunk that I’d mangled.
I wrapped that in foil, and I wedged it in
At quite a precarious angle.

By now I felt totally knackered,
And you won’t be surprised to hear
That, due to my booze-induced delays,
Christmas dinner was late that year.

So, on a Christmas morning,
Wine may be fine, for a toast –
But never have Baileys for breakfast
When you’ve got a turkey to roast!