Welcome to my kitchen,
I’ve just finished cooking tea.
Now, before you reach for condiments,
Can you do one thing for me?
I may not be a master chef
But I’m sure I’m not the worst
So please, for once, I beg of you –
Just taste the damn thing first!

You can drown your meal in vinegar
(I’ve balsamic or malt),
Inundate your plate with gravy,
Sprinkle it with salt,
Pile it up with pickle,
Grind pepper till you sneeze,
Dollop on some salad cream
Or maybe mayonnaise.

You can dab it with Tabasco,
Slather it with butter,
Cover it with ketchup,
Smother it with mustard,
Add any of your sauces
(Lea and Perrins, soy, HP),
I really don’t mind what you use –
Just taste it first – for me?