Now, please don’t call me Scrooge –
I know, I’m a ranter –
but I’m taking a stand
against Secret Santa.

I’ve enough plastic tat!
Like the novelty clock,
and a magic 8 ball,
and that comedy cock…

It’s stuff nobody needs,
so I fear it all will
go to charity shops –
or end up as landfill.

Choosing gifts is a chore;
your choices diminish
when the office decides
a fiver’s the limit.

I’d rather go shopping
for gifts which feel just right
for friends – not for strangers
with taste quite unlike mine.

I don’t need a repeat
of the colleague who cried
when I bought him a book
on bunny suicide…

No more Secret Santa!
It will be a relief –
it’s no better to give
than it is to receive.