Don’t tell me that I’m fat,
then give me recipes for cake.
Don’t tell me which celebrities
I ought to emulate.

Don’t tell me to wear make-up
that gives a ‘natural’ look.
Don’t tell me that I have to read
another chick-lit book.

Don’t tell me ‘be unique’,
then show me this year’s ‘must have’ style.
Don’t tell me about STDs,
then ‘How to drive men wild!’

I’m sick of these mixed messages –
men wouldn’t stand for it.
So, goodbye, women’s magazines –
I won’t miss you one bit.