The virgin at the wedding,
I never thought that would be me.
But no, I’m not the blushing bride –
I’m the mother-in-law to be.

“A virgin mother?” I hear you say,
“What sort of a riddle is that?”
Listen now, and I’ll tell you –
It’s my first time – wearing a hat.

I’ve never had a head for hats,
I’m a milliner’s despair!
I haven’t got a hat face –
And I don’t want to squash my hair.

A trilby doesn’t thrill me,
A pillbox hat is too small.
And as for those Ascot atrocities –
Veils don’t suit me at all!

But I don’t like fascinators,
They’re for those who won’t commit
To either hat or headband –
And the darn thing wouldn’t sit!

So I settled on a broad-brimmed hat.
I thought I’d look a fool,
But while others swelter in the sun,
Here in the shade – I’m cool.