(to the tune of Candle in the Wind)

Goodbye, Doctor Who –

the show I’ve loved for oh, so long.

It scared me silly countless times,

taught me right from wrong.

But they crawled out of the woodwork,

and they whispered to the execs

saying “Male role models aren’t for girls”

and they made him change his sex.

 

And it seems to me that the BBC’s

casting fandom to the wind,

as they gender swap an icon

on a PC whim.

The father figure I’ve admired

since I was just a kid –

the Beeb defeated him before

the Daleks ever did.

 

Childhood could be tough,

but Doctor Who was always there –

a man opposed to violence,

a man who always cared.

He would save the day

not with force, but with his mind.

Now it seems that’s not enough –

now a doctor needs a cute behind.

 

And it seems to me that the BBC’s

casting fandom to the wind.

Now the battle lines are forming –

let the hate begin

as toxic minds on either side

are quick to hurl abuse –

and those of us caught in between

are saddened and confused.

 

Goodbye, Doctor Who –

the show I’ve loved for oh, so long.

It scared me silly countless times,

taught me right from wrong.

 

Goodbye, Doctor Who –

from the young girl on the living room floor

who couldn’t get behind the sofa,

so she hid behind the kitchen door.

 

And it seems to me that the BBC’s

casting fandom to the wind,

as they gender swap an icon

on a PC whim.

The father figure I’ve admired

since I was just a kid –

the Beeb defeated him before

the Daleks ever did.

 

The Beeb defeated him before

the Daleks ever did…